mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
