K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
