Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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