I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
