Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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