my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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