The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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