i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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