The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
