guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
