You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
