I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize