Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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