I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
