At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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