They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
