I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
