just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need a beard to bite.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize