The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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