Yo dont text me then not text me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'm passing your future prison.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
