I looked at my own cervix.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wish there were birth control emojis
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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