I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
