Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
