there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
