3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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