At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
