I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
