I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
