I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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