if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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