your thong is hanging out like whoa
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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