i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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