Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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