they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
