The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
