The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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