Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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