My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
