My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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