Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
