Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
