the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize