I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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