I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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