Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
