I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
