im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
