some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
