It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
