It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
