I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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