sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
