I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
