It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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