it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
