I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize