She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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