girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
