Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Houston, we have a blender
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
