Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
