I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
