So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
